What Kind of Rabbi Do I Want to Be?

This is a very difficult thing for me to write, because I don’t know how to feel about it.

I don’t want to be a pulpit rabbi. I don’t want to be a congregational rabbi. I would happily pinch hit for others who are. I can come by and read Torah or haftarah, lead a service, or offer a dvar.

I would happily be there for the lifecycle events as needed. Weddings, funerals, whatever.

I’ll visit the sick. This is my sixth year as president of Maine’s oldest synagogue, and I’ve done some of this to backfill for our rabbi. I love pastoral care, but people want to see a rabbi. I think there’s a sense of comfort in a visit from clergy as opposed to a fellow lay person.

I am a big fan of Abraham Joshua Heschel and his writings, and yet, I don’t know if I want to emulate his advocacy. For one, we hold him up as the “see, Jews were on right side of history” model during the Civil Rights era, though it’s not clear that our institutions matched the energy of Heschel or Rabbi Marc Tanenbaum. There are matters I deeply care about as a Jew, but there are Heschel’s feet, and then there is the potential damage done to our community by taking a position if it puts us at risk.

I am also not those learned rabbis. I am extremely proud of the program I am in with the Pluralistic Rabbinical Seminary. I think the world of my cohort. But I am a software engineer, musician, and author, and retired soldier who lives in a very small Jewish community in an already very small state-wide Jewish community in Maine. I am not disputing that I can be of consequence, but credentialing is very important in our communities.

What I can be, is a fierce advocate for the people within my line of sight. I can do my utmost to spread the joys of Jewish tradition with those who seek a deeper connection with it, whether they know it or not.

I can fight for Jews with kids in our schools. Leah and I have gone toe-to-toe with our district on matters of harassment our child endured. We stood up for another family. We fought back and won when the district was going to use The Boy in the Striped Pajamas in their Holocaust curriculum. This is a team effort for my wife and I. Leah is a storied Jewish educator, and we’re both belligerent when Jews are beleagured.

I’m also starting Jewish wilderness programs here in Maine, as a registered Maine guide and wilderness enthusiast. I’m proud that I’ve been invited back to the Conference for Small Town Jewish Life this year to give sessions on wilderness Torah. I had the opportunity to do this during COVID. The folks running the Center for Small Town Jewish Life are doing vital work and I am happy to support them however I can.

What I don’t know about is my relationship to politics.

My rabbi recently opined:

“…there is nothing in the rabbinic curriculum that makes us the conscience of the Jewish community. I don’t lecture congregants about their politics or their ethics because 1) it isn’t my place but mostly 2) it is boring as all hell. Because we are a people and a civilization, there is plenty to teach about and if I’m doing my job I’m giving people a sense of their inheritance (which isn’t ethics) and encouraging them to invest in our people.”

This is hard during these times. I have a young friend, a soldier in an interesting status who was the survivor of sexual assault in uniform. It’s possible that the new administration will see him administratively separated from the service, rather than being separated for the issues he’s faced. There’s a possibility his disabilities and gender-affirming care will not be taken care of by the VA. We had considered us doing an adult adoption, and because of his disabilities, covering him under my TriCare…but thanks to the FY2025 NDAA, gender-affirming care is not covered.

I don’t know that I’d lecture congregants about their politics or their ethics, but I do think it is useful to remind people that even the most stringent of our traditions enjoin us to be kind. To welcome the stranger. To be not afraid.

I’ll never get into specific policy positions, which I think is my rabbi’s point as well. That doesn’t preclude me from visibly leading from the front, as I did in my military career, setting the example I think other Jews could positively emulate.

I’m enjoying the ride. I’m enjoying the study. I learn from my peers as much as my teachers. It’s very exciting to me.

My only hope is that I can truly be a boon to other Jews at the end of the journey.