May is Mental Health Awareness Month

I wrote a bit for our May synagogue bulletin that engendered a large amount of correspondence from members of the congregation. I said:
May is Mental Health Awareness Month, on top of Jewish American Heritage Month and a raft of others. I am not reluctant to talk about my struggles with mental health. After military experiences, I’ve struggled for years.
But I’m not haunted. There are great therapies and practices that have really helped me, including innovations within theapeutic Jewish spaces.
In recent months, especially since retiring from the military, I’ve really struggled with an abiding melancholy. Some of it is mid-life crisis, probably. For 30 years of my life, I was something, and now I am no longer that something. Two out of three kids are all grown up, and Nez is just two years from bat mitzvah.
But for all of us, the climate since October 7th, 2023 has taken its toll. I struggle with a sense of isolation, concern for my two kids in college (one of whom graduates this month!), even the antisemitism that little Nez may face in the K-12 system, where so much hate has accelerated even before Hamas attacked Israel. Avi went through it at Reeds Brook and Hampden Academy, for sure.
I am getting the help I need, and that doesn’t include a Mazda Miata or a mistress. I will be okay.
If you are struggling, it is okay to reach out to your community for help. You are not alone. You don’t need to suffer in silence.
It’s okay to not be okay.

A number of congregants reached out to me after. The wife of a Vietnam veteran who struggled with reentry and life long after the war. A dear friend with PTSD from her own experiences.

For my part, I’ve come to realize that I was partially deferring on reconciling in particular with moral injury so long as I stayed in the Guard. I was in long enough to have gone from NO mental health awareness, to the early “battle mind” programs, to the “resiliency” training originating from universities in my home state of Pennsylvania. All of it is designed to defray the rigors of combat and temporarily sustaining the mental health of the standing, all-volunteer force. Little of it is designed for long-term mental health.

My retirement transition involved lectures on how to get at my benefits, the differences between different kinds of retirements. I opted for “gray area retirement”, where I could still be called back to duty until I am 60. Andre, who is an absolute wonderful dude, comprehensively shared with us what our medical eligibilities look like, when and where we can apply to start our monthly pensions, even our eligibility for Maine’s soldier homes for when we hit end-of-life.

There wasn’t much talk about where to go for mental health treatment. That’s fine. It’s a common problem from “yellow ribbon programs” for Guard and Reserves returning from deployments, as much as it is retiring reservists.

***

My primary concern is the mental health of our Jewish communities. I’m constantly riddled with anxiety over the health and well-being of my adult kids. I’m worried about our youngest. Her sister faced antisemitism in her 8th grade year. Leah came to Reeds Brook Middle School to speak about her aunt and uncle’s Auschwitz experience, and some of Avi’s classmates thought it would be hilarious to give her a Nazi salute. Nezzie is as acutely proud of her Jewishness as all of us, and with her autism, I worry her reaction will be even worse.

Maybe you’re worried about Israel. Maybe you’re worried about the casualties in Gaza, too. For my part, I worry about that and the cost of war on this generation of Israeli warfighters. I’ve seen what 20 years of war did to our volunteer force, after spending over a decade helping veterans sort through the detritus of their lives.

All of this adds up after a while for all of us. It’s a good time to discuss what resources are available to your community.